Say something about gay babies.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
