remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
