come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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