she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Are my feet made of real feet?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
