you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
