weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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