Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
