I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
