Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
