My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
