I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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