He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
