They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
