I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
