apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
