This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize