Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
