I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
