DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
should my penis look like a turkey
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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