I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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