My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
