How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
