Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
