Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
