just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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