you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
