is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
