I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
love makes seman taste better
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize