How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
