why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
