My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
