Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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