I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
