No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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