I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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