I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
