I just threw up on my dentist
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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