fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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