How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize