I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
