OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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