We're facebook friends in real life
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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