A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
