My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
