Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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