Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
