On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
