How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
