at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
