My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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