when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize