people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
