Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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