So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
