Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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