I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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