i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
