He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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