she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
