My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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