Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
