yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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