Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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