My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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