Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
