You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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