Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
