my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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