I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize