A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
time to smoke my breakfast
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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